Note: These posts were made on my old blog right after the release of a ridiculous movie called 'Barsaat - a sublime love story'. I never watched that movie. However, I spoofed it based on the trailers on T.V. My friend B helped and we had a blast writing this one.
After the success(?) of Barsaat - A sublime love story... here comes a path-breaking film....
Sookha – An asinine blog story
By Seema Smile (with unimaginative and senseless inputs from B)
Cast:
Bhairav Pati (BP)- Bobby Deol
Doosra Aadmi (DA) - Emraan Hashmi
Pudina Patni (PP) - Bipasha Basu
Lala Kirodimal - Unfriendly guest appearance by Shakti Kapoor
Hot Babe: Miniscule guest appearance by Mallika Sherawat
The story begins in a small village called Sookhagaon in some part of India...don't ask which part... it is not relevant to the story. Ok, it may have jhoolofying sarson ke khet right next door to swaying palm trees. Ok, there may be karva-chauth vrats accompanied by disco dandiya rituals.... but the location is still irrelevant.
Hmm, so Sookhagaon is going through a bad drought and famine, but that does not stop Lala Kirodimal from planning a lavish wedding for his ik-lauti beti,Pudina. Pudina is a shy Indian girl, a bhartiya nari, who wears nothing but backless cholis and low waist ghagras, with her dupatta hanging precariously on her ...ahem ... ample bosom.
After being the toast of the village, the star of every young man's dreams, Pudina has decided to meekly listen to her father and marry the man he chose for her- Bhairav.
Bhairav is your regular country-side bloke. With expressions that could have serious competition from wooden door-knobs, Bhairav has no difficulty in showing excitement... with a forlorn and lost expression that seems to say 'What am I doing in this movie?". He has been in love with Pudina ever since she slapped him when she caught him leching at the great Indian mela that was held in the Yashraj Films premises (filmed right after K3G Kajol-Shahrukh mela scene). It is an entirely different matter that she had just finished a sensuous dance in the rain wearing a white ghagra-choli in full view of the entire village. It also is coincidental that she chose to slap only Bhairav, from among the 200 odd men who were leching, including the spot boys, director and producer of this movie. Bhairav had no maa-behen at home and therefore he deserved a slap. That slap changed Bhairav's life. He had stopped leching at other women in public.... he now learned to disguise it as brotherly affection.
So there, it was a perfect match... Bhairav-Pudina. They were married in a simple ceremony that lasted 2 song-n-dance routines (with the skimpily clad bride joining in) and had 1000 or more extras doing synchronised jhatkas without missing a beat.
The transformation is quick... Bharav is now a Patni-vrata Pati (henceforth refered to as Bhairav Pati - BP for short). Pudina is a demure Pudina Patni-PP.
The suhaag raat scene has the two indulging in a hell lot of foreplay (another song-n-dance...without extras this time), but before anything could happen, they are rudely interrupted by a knock on the door. The door opens to reveal a wickedly smiling Lala Kirodimal.
It so happens that Bhairav Pati(BP) had taken 2 lakhs ka karzaa(loan) and girvified(mortgaged) his house with him. The deadline for paying back the loan was today and Lala- a heartless man, had chosen this very day to nilaamify(auction) BP's house. Pudina Patni(PP) is horrified. She can't believe that her own father would do this to her. Apparently the marriage was a diversion created so that he could take over BP's property while he was busy at his suhaag raat.
Why did Lala do this? Why would someone ruin his own daughter’s life?
GUAUHAHA.... read on...
Lala is PP’s mom’s sautela pati.... oops doosra pati... by that relation he is PP’s step-father. He had already gained control over PP’s mom’s property. Now he wanted PP out of his way too. So he killed two birds with one stone...or one marriage in this case.
BP is livid with rage... not at the prospect of losing his property (he already knew he couldn’t repay the loan), but at the ruined suhaag raat. PP, as any traditional bhartiya naari, quickly covers herself and falls at Lala’s feet, begging for mercy. Lala lets out a devilish laugh (on the lines of HE HAW HAW HAW) and orders his men to tie BP to the bed and start the auction process. PP can’t take it anymore and faints.
What would happen now? Where would BP and PP go? Will Lala be successful in carrying out his plans? Will BP and PP’s marriage survive this agni pariksha(trial by fire)?
All this and the grand entry of Doosra Aadmi(location:Amrika) in Part II of this story. Come back if you aren’t too bored yet.
3 comments:
what we need now is a Geela, to take away the water woes.
Oooh ! I'm loving it ! True Blue Hindi fillum ! :)
Also, here's my two cents' worth (notice I said cents... Amrika... get it ?)
Suggestion: Cut to Amrika where BP goes around with a surly expression (the only one he can manage) and PP goes around in skimpy attire (read: Amrikan modern clothes). She 'phasaos' wealthy money-lenders in her 'husn ka jaal' and then BP and PP blackmail them. They are on a 'money-gathering' spree so that they can 'chhudao' BP's 'khandani haveli' and return to 'apna desh, apna gaon' and PP can avenge her mother's death. BUT... PP's latest victim happens to be Doosra Aadmi (DA), who is Lala's son from a previously abandoned wife, and who, unfortunately, really falls in love with PP ! Will PP reciprocate his love ? Will she con Lala's son or like a 'pavitra bharatiya naari' return to BP ? Will BP get his haveli back ? Will BP's surly expression change ?
All this and some Amrika style song and dance sequences in Egypt/Switzerland/the Sahara desert in this very fillum :)
Hahaha, B you should write that one. Remember Bijli?
@Wanderer- Lol! That's a good twist. This story was written long ago with B's help. Maybe you and I should do a spoof together. Badmash Company seems like a good target :)
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