Sookha – An asinine blog story - Part III(Conclusion)

By Seema Smile. With absolutely ridiculous inputs from B

Summary: Bhairav Pati(BP), Pudina Patni(PP) married. Lala interrupts suhag raat. PP faints. Three years later, PP surfaces as a nurse in Amrika (USA yaar!). Meets Doosra Aadmi(DA) who has lost his memory in an accident. DA is being cared for by PP. Another foreplay...knock on the door ruining it all.

Note: PP had fainted on her suhaag raat. She was whisked away by her kind uncle to Amrika, before she could gain consciousness. The sensible reader is not around, so I can safely imply that she already had her passport and visa ready for such emergencies. The kind uncle turned unkind because he too was sautela.(Sensible reader stay away). So after dar dar bhatkoeing(door door roaming-literally) PP lands a job as a hospital nurse.

Read on…

PP opens the door to reveal a very hassled and door-knobbish expression clad BP. He looks at her palm leaf skirt and past her at DA, who is lounging on the sofa in a pair of torn jeans... shirtless.

BP: (borrowing lines from dad) “Kutte! Main tera khoon pi jaunga.”

PP: “I can’t allow that, he is anaemic. What are you doing in Amrika?”

DA: “PP, who’s this door knob? Tell him this is the wrong door he is trying to attach himself to.”

PP: “Shut up DA, this is my husband!”

BP: “PP, why did you do this to me. Wasn’t I an adarsh Indian patni-vrata pati?”

PP: “Oh, Bhairav, forgive me. Believe me, I am as pure as the day of our incomplete suhaag raat. That is of course because you interrupted us. But that is not important. I got carried away. This DA is such a handsome guy, I really couldn’t resist. Take me away BP, take me away.”

DA: “PP, what are you talking about. How dare you? You are mine. You can’t leave me. Come lets complete what we started. Ignore the door knob.”

DA lunges towards PP, BP steps forward. “Kutte! Main tera khoon pi jaunga”

DA: “Say something I don’t know buddy. Get out of my way.”

The gist of the matter is that, DA and BP are involved in a series of fisticuffs at the end of which DA ends up with a bump on his head and a recovered memory.

He suddenly remembers that on the day of the accident, he was on his way to meet Hot Babe-HB (Mallika Sherawat). He knew HB from college and she loved providing back support to him on his bike. But later he got thrown into jail for performing senseless stunts on his bike… involving a woman and ahem some song n dance and ahem… you know what I mean.

HB is married to her dead sister’s husband (Another hottie? Nah! We couldn’t find anyone to do a guest appearance. John Abraham refused to do it. So we have Bobby Deol in disguise as a beardless sardar, doubling up as HB ka pati with the same door-knobbish expression that has become an inspiration to a lot of men in the north of the Vindhyas). All this is shown in Eastman color flashback for the viewing pleasure of the fans of Mallika.

Now, PP is hot with her newly acquired endowments, but HB is hotter- naturally well endowed you see! So, DA picks up his belongings, gives a hurried kiss to PP (much to the chagrin of doorknob…oops BP I mean) and rushes off to find Hot Babe.

Bhairav Pati and Pudina Patni are left alone to complete what they had started 3 years ago. PP, quickly finds a 6” by 6” cloth, covers her head and bends down to touch BP’s feet. BP is taken aback, thinks he is being attacked and tries to escape… he stumbles and falls on to the glass table. Fear not, he isn’t injured, just a small cut on his thumb. Umm… there is no bandage around, so he decides to wipe the blood on PP’s forehead… *loud music*. PP thinks BP is filling sindoor into her maang. She immediately hugs him.

Now, BP wouldn’t resist such advances, he knows what to do next.

Suddenly out of the blue two flowers come into the frame... the flowers are swaying in the breeze, close together, touching each other... you know what that implies. And they live happily ever after.

The End

Sigh! I love happy endings.

Questions that will remain unanswered. This is NOT a quiz, so spare your gray cells.

1. Where was BP all this while? Ok, he was leching at women, but in which gaon?

2. Why didn’t Lala Kirodimal get punished for his vile ways?

3. Why didn’t Hot Babe come looking for DA when he didn’t turn up on the day of the accident?

4. How could PP oscillate between liking DA and BP?

5. What is the relevance of Sookhagaon in all this?

6. Why the name Sookha?

7. Main Kahan Hoon?

Sookha – An asinine blog story - Part II

Summary: Pudina Patni(PP) is a village belle in backless cholis and low waist ghagras.

That should suffice as a summary. What? You want to know more? Why don’t you just go ahead read Part I. Well, ok, I’ll write a little more in the summary.

Bhairav Pati(BP) and Pudina Patni(PP) are married off in a lavish ceremony held by PP’s step-father, Lala Kirodimal. On the suhaag raat, Lala decides to turn up at BP’s house to demand repayment on a 2 lakhs loan he had taken or risk his house being auctioned... an interrupted suhaag raat, an unconscious PP, a tied to the bed BP, lots of melodrama in between.... read on.

Fast forward to 3 years later.

Location: Amrika (US of A for those who don’t know English)

Scene: A large hospital. PP is a nurse here.

Now as a sensible reader (if you have reached this far), you would ask, how did a village belle turn into a nurse in Amrika. Well, all I have to say to you is - leave now. This story is not for sensible readers.

Hmm, so PP is a nurse. She misses her Sookhagaon, especially her backless cholis and low waist ghagras. But, they are more than compensated by the plunging necklines and rising hemlines of her nurse uniform.

There has been a major accident on the highway. An Indian man has been hit by a car and brought in seriously injured. Blood everywhere. Surprisingly, his face is unscathed except for a casually placed cut on his lower lip. He is mumbling incoherently. PP, appearing very businesslike is accompanying him while he is being wheeled into the operation theater. The OT is filled with doctors of all shapes and sizes. Just a digression, how many doctors does it take to operate on an accident victim? Anyways, so all these doctors are angrez.

PP is the only nurse in this doctor filled room. No wonder they are all sweating in this AC room. So after a lot of tinkering with pots and pans...oops I mean scalpels and scissors, the doctors declare that the man is out of danger, but has lost his memory.

Now the sensible reader (who has the impudence to stay back and read so far) asks, how did they know about the memory loss? There was no head injury, neither has the patient woken up and said Main kaun hoon? . My answer: LEAVE RIGHT NOW.

PP is witness to the operation and the pronouncement made after it. She immediately tries to get information about him. All identification papers have been burnt in the accident. She is a kind soul and decides that she will take care of this poor, memory-deprived man.

This is the second case of amnesia she had come across, so she decides to call him Doosra Aadmi - DA for short. Don’t ask which the first case was coz that’s not relevant to the story. DA recovers consciousness after a week and in a few days he is discharged from the hospital. Where does he go? Well, to PP’s house of course!

PP nurtures him and generally caters to all his whims and fancies, which include her dressing up in a skirt made of palm leaves and dancing in the room. Now, the reader must note here that DA has lost his memory, but he still is a grown man, capable of emotions, feelings and all related stuff. He has a growing fondness for PP, a fondness that has gradually turned to obsession. PP can do that to perfectly normal men, and this is DA we are talking about here. DA in his pre-accident life was a Casanova, who chased anything in skirts. (He was banned from Scotland because of this)

So, anyways, PP is also attracted to DA. Look, she is only human… an Indian… but still human. They end up having another foreplay song-n-dance... again with no extras dancing around. PP is second time unlucky...coz along comes another knock on the door.

Who could it be? Would PP and DA end what they started? Would DA recover his memory in the process? What about BP in Sookhagaon? Was he still reeling under the effect of the draught and failed suhaag raat?

For all this and more, come back for the third and concluding part of Sookha- An asinine blog story.

Sookha – An asinine blog story - Part I

Note: These posts were made on my old blog right after the release of a ridiculous movie called 'Barsaat - a sublime love story'. I never watched that movie. However, I spoofed it based on the trailers on T.V. My friend B helped and we had a blast writing this one.

After the success(?) of Barsaat - A sublime love story... here comes a path-breaking film....

Sookha – An asinine blog story

By Seema Smile (with unimaginative and senseless inputs from B)

Cast:

Bhairav Pati (BP)- Bobby Deol

Doosra Aadmi (DA) - Emraan Hashmi

Pudina Patni (PP) - Bipasha Basu

Lala Kirodimal - Unfriendly guest appearance by Shakti Kapoor

Hot Babe: Miniscule guest appearance by Mallika Sherawat

The story begins in a small village called Sookhagaon in some part of India...don't ask which part... it is not relevant to the story. Ok, it may have jhoolofying sarson ke khet right next door to swaying palm trees. Ok, there may be karva-chauth vrats accompanied by disco dandiya rituals.... but the location is still irrelevant.

Hmm, so Sookhagaon is going through a bad drought and famine, but that does not stop Lala Kirodimal from planning a lavish wedding for his ik-lauti beti,Pudina. Pudina is a shy Indian girl, a bhartiya nari, who wears nothing but backless cholis and low waist ghagras, with her dupatta hanging precariously on her ...ahem ... ample bosom.

After being the toast of the village, the star of every young man's dreams, Pudina has decided to meekly listen to her father and marry the man he chose for her- Bhairav.

Bhairav is your regular country-side bloke. With expressions that could have serious competition from wooden door-knobs, Bhairav has no difficulty in showing excitement... with a forlorn and lost expression that seems to say 'What am I doing in this movie?". He has been in love with Pudina ever since she slapped him when she caught him leching at the great Indian mela that was held in the Yashraj Films premises (filmed right after K3G Kajol-Shahrukh mela scene). It is an entirely different matter that she had just finished a sensuous dance in the rain wearing a white ghagra-choli in full view of the entire village. It also is coincidental that she chose to slap only Bhairav, from among the 200 odd men who were leching, including the spot boys, director and producer of this movie. Bhairav had no maa-behen at home and therefore he deserved a slap. That slap changed Bhairav's life. He had stopped leching at other women in public.... he now learned to disguise it as brotherly affection.

So there, it was a perfect match... Bhairav-Pudina. They were married in a simple ceremony that lasted 2 song-n-dance routines (with the skimpily clad bride joining in) and had 1000 or more extras doing synchronised jhatkas without missing a beat.

The transformation is quick... Bharav is now a Patni-vrata Pati (henceforth refered to as Bhairav Pati - BP for short). Pudina is a demure Pudina Patni-PP.

The suhaag raat scene has the two indulging in a hell lot of foreplay (another song-n-dance...without extras this time), but before anything could happen, they are rudely interrupted by a knock on the door. The door opens to reveal a wickedly smiling Lala Kirodimal.

It so happens that Bhairav Pati(BP) had taken 2 lakhs ka karzaa(loan) and girvified(mortgaged) his house with him. The deadline for paying back the loan was today and Lala- a heartless man, had chosen this very day to nilaamify(auction) BP's house. Pudina Patni(PP) is horrified. She can't believe that her own father would do this to her. Apparently the marriage was a diversion created so that he could take over BP's property while he was busy at his suhaag raat.

Why did Lala do this? Why would someone ruin his own daughter’s life?

GUAUHAHA.... read on...

Lala is PP’s mom’s sautela pati.... oops doosra pati... by that relation he is PP’s step-father. He had already gained control over PP’s mom’s property. Now he wanted PP out of his way too. So he killed two birds with one stone...or one marriage in this case.

BP is livid with rage... not at the prospect of losing his property (he already knew he couldn’t repay the loan), but at the ruined suhaag raat. PP, as any traditional bhartiya naari, quickly covers herself and falls at Lala’s feet, begging for mercy. Lala lets out a devilish laugh (on the lines of HE HAW HAW HAW) and orders his men to tie BP to the bed and start the auction process. PP can’t take it anymore and faints.

What would happen now? Where would BP and PP go? Will Lala be successful in carrying out his plans? Will BP and PP’s marriage survive this agni pariksha(trial by fire)?

All this and the grand entry of Doosra Aadmi(location:Amrika) in Part II of this story. Come back if you aren’t too bored yet.